Mean Mommy

My child is pretty darn cute and sweet most of the time, except when he decides smacking mommy across the cheek or smashing a Hot Wheels into her eye socket seems like fun.  So far this week I have had a fat/bruised lip, an elbow to the throat, a hot wheels to the cheekbone and brow, more than one smack on the cheek, a forehead to my tooth, and a strained neck and sore hip after being tackled mid yoga pose.  And it's only Tuesday.  When does a child's accidental injuries to mommy become abusive?  Seriously, each new hit leaves me feeling a little closer to my full blown nervous breakdown. 
Typically my toddler-produced injuries and bruises are accidental and sustained under typical mommy and two year old circumstances.  They are accidental and excusable and even usually minor enough that I forget about them. Which is probably why I have more than once caught a glimpse of a bruise on the back of my knee or shoulder and can't remember where it came from (leaving me wondering "Was that from the elbow he dug into me when climbing into our bed at 5 am, or was it from when I got turned into a human bridge/monkey bar when the rain had us stuck inside?"). 
Tonight however, when I picked Landon up to go up to bed (just like I do every other night), he hauled off and smacked me, flat hand to the cheek. After I got over the shock of the sting that his tiny little hand produced, I then realized that he was giggling about it.  I am sure my face had quite the look on it, which may have been enough to giggle over, but then to add to my pain and shock he decided to smack me again.  This is when from somewhere deep down inside, way back behind where the usual patient, nice, understanding mommy lives, Mean Mommy came barreling out full speed ahead.  My voice dropped at least two octaves before the most forceful "NO" I have ever experienced came roaring out of my mouth.  I must have still been in shock over my sweet boy smacking me just for kicks, because I truly felt like my body had been kidnapped by this Mean Mommy and I was just standing there watching it happen.  Mean Mommy put Landon in the timeout corner and another forceful "Time OUT!" came out in that strange deep Mean Mommy voice.  Landon's elated giggles morphed into a nervous laugh and then a look of confusion and remorse as Mean Mommy retreated and I found myself having a full on cry-fest in front of my two year old. It probably also didn't help that with the tears I was also having a a full on Rain Man moment, unable to use full sentences to convey my thoughts, and left saying only "Hitting, no.... Owies... Hurt mommy."
My sweet, smart child then had one of those moments that make a mommy proud to be a mommy (even through the bumps and bruises).  He climbed out of the timeout corner, gave my cheek a kiss, then sat on the stair next to me before saying "awwy" ("sorry" for any of you who don't speak Toddler).  He then smiled and spread his arms as wide as he could before throwing himself at me for a hug.  This is when his head hit my tooth.