Mean Mommy

My child is pretty darn cute and sweet most of the time, except when he decides smacking mommy across the cheek or smashing a Hot Wheels into her eye socket seems like fun.  So far this week I have had a fat/bruised lip, an elbow to the throat, a hot wheels to the cheekbone and brow, more than one smack on the cheek, a forehead to my tooth, and a strained neck and sore hip after being tackled mid yoga pose.  And it's only Tuesday.  When does a child's accidental injuries to mommy become abusive?  Seriously, each new hit leaves me feeling a little closer to my full blown nervous breakdown. 
Typically my toddler-produced injuries and bruises are accidental and sustained under typical mommy and two year old circumstances.  They are accidental and excusable and even usually minor enough that I forget about them. Which is probably why I have more than once caught a glimpse of a bruise on the back of my knee or shoulder and can't remember where it came from (leaving me wondering "Was that from the elbow he dug into me when climbing into our bed at 5 am, or was it from when I got turned into a human bridge/monkey bar when the rain had us stuck inside?"). 
Tonight however, when I picked Landon up to go up to bed (just like I do every other night), he hauled off and smacked me, flat hand to the cheek. After I got over the shock of the sting that his tiny little hand produced, I then realized that he was giggling about it.  I am sure my face had quite the look on it, which may have been enough to giggle over, but then to add to my pain and shock he decided to smack me again.  This is when from somewhere deep down inside, way back behind where the usual patient, nice, understanding mommy lives, Mean Mommy came barreling out full speed ahead.  My voice dropped at least two octaves before the most forceful "NO" I have ever experienced came roaring out of my mouth.  I must have still been in shock over my sweet boy smacking me just for kicks, because I truly felt like my body had been kidnapped by this Mean Mommy and I was just standing there watching it happen.  Mean Mommy put Landon in the timeout corner and another forceful "Time OUT!" came out in that strange deep Mean Mommy voice.  Landon's elated giggles morphed into a nervous laugh and then a look of confusion and remorse as Mean Mommy retreated and I found myself having a full on cry-fest in front of my two year old. It probably also didn't help that with the tears I was also having a a full on Rain Man moment, unable to use full sentences to convey my thoughts, and left saying only "Hitting, no.... Owies... Hurt mommy."
My sweet, smart child then had one of those moments that make a mommy proud to be a mommy (even through the bumps and bruises).  He climbed out of the timeout corner, gave my cheek a kiss, then sat on the stair next to me before saying "awwy" ("sorry" for any of you who don't speak Toddler).  He then smiled and spread his arms as wide as he could before throwing himself at me for a hug.  This is when his head hit my tooth.

Starting Fresh

(I can't believe how much time slips away from me sometimes...  )


Obviously I haven't been the best about keeping up on my writing lately.  I can blame it on being incredibly busy with a one year old, school, traveling, and all the other things that life involves.  The truth is, the past year was one of the hardest times I have had in my life. It involved MANY ups and downs, doubts, guilt, a lot of learning, and eventually forgiveness (mostly of me forgiving myself).  While I sometimes wish I would have succeeded here in sharing some of those moments, I know that part of what I needed to go through involved closing down the outlets that would involve any judgement or comments at the time from others.
I did start to write posts many times about all of the entertaining experiences I had but never could quite get the words down before I was busy or distracted by something else.


to make up for it, here's the quick catch-up:
After our road trip ended last summer, my brother and his band (Rufus J Fisk) crashed our house for a week and I finally had a chance to get out of the house (and quickly learned I have a much lower tolerance for cocktails than I used to... can NOT party quite like a rock star anymore...).   Jason finally came home from his training (after 7 months of being stuck in BFE Texas) in September. It took us a little while but we adjusted to the return, Landon got used to having daddy around pretty quickly, and I started my last semester of pre-requisite courses for the nursing program.  Halloween involved Landon getting dressed up as a Monster and having a total meltdown after only 15 minutes of trick-or-treating, and mommy and daddy then ate all of his candy without him knowing any better. Right before Christmas our cat, Sully, disappeared and unfortunately never returned.  We ended up adopting a new kitten, Tally, who is Landon's new best friend and has earned the nickname, "Bad" from him. Jason spent most of the beginning of the year looking for a civilian job and finally landed one working in Denver for the state department. I heard the good news while visiting family in Pennsylvania for my niece's 2nd birthday.  During that same visit Landon got his first studio photos (a story I wish I would have blogged about because as much as I was trying to be okay with the idea of paying someone else $100 dollars for a 20 minute photo shoot that yielded 4 generic poses and a couple Easter cards, and a semi-mommy meltdown, I obviously was not). April rolled around and as Jason started his new job he decided it was time to trade in his pimp bachelor car with the tinted windows, rims, and sound system, for a Toyota Prius.  His manhood is still coping with this change so let's just move on...   after deciding that we would most likely be moving back to Denver which meant I was going to be the one doing most of the commuting (an hour to and from school 3-5 days a week) I decided that it was really me that needed a newer more fuel efficient and reliable car.  I traded in my 05 Chevy Equinox, that somehow in the last 10 month ended up with a cracked windshield, dented door, cracked and scraped rear and front bumper, a leak at the foot of the front passenger seat any time it rained, and was pushing 100k miles.  Obviously it was time (and I'm sure the thousands of traveling miles put on it last summer did not help the matter).  I am now the proud owner of a new Mazda CX5. It is the first new car I have ever owned in my life. and will probably be my last, so I soaked up that feeling for a good whole week before I let Landon have a snack in his car seat and tarnish it.  he of course immediately splashed his juice on the window and threw his cheerios on the floor....


and that about brings us up to now. May 9th.  One month since my 27th birthday (I think, unless I did the math wrong again?).  I finished my last final of this semester last night, and am waiting for the final word on official acceptance into the nursing program (I could find out any day between now and the end of the month).  As it looks right now, we will be officially moving back to Denver in July (yah!) and are all VERY excited.  While Colorado Springs has given me some great friends, it is definitely not a place I can say I have enjoyed living.  After one of our neighbors ended up in an armed standoff with police and the swat team earlier this week, my feelings about this town were confirmed (not that it is unsafe per se, but that people are just batshit crazy around here). For the home of Focus on the Family, Compassion International, The International Bible Society, the New Life Church, the Christian and Missionary Alliance, Campus Crusades for Christ, and The World Prayer Center (to name just a few) this town sure isn't very loving, safe, or welcoming.


So, starting fresh.  or backsliding.  however you want to look at it.  Denver! Here we come!!